i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
