Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
