the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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