Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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