my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
