Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
