Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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