But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
