I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
