You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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