it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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