I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
