Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
