the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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