During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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