singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
