just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
