I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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