peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
