What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
