So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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