carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
