Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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