why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
