I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
