remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
