look no pants
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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