You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize