I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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