Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
