She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
