you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
