I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
