I heard we made out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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