he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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