Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
