Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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