After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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