hell yes lets make some ravioli
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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