i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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