Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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