why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
