We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
