These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
