just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
