Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
