just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
