Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
