we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
