My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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