I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
