someone get that fucking seahorse.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
