Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
