Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
