I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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