the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
