girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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