seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
