U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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