i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
be right there i have to get my cape
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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